there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Me too!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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