the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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