He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
