so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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