Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
