yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
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He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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