We got so high we made milksteak
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize