you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
