After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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