Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
