Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
