it was like eating out sand paper
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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