I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
