Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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