I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
