Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
