Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
