im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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