I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
