im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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