end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
