I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Boobs speak an international language.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
