I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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