so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
