she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I touched a dick in church today
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
