the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
