woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Everything about him screamed your future.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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