in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
