im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Randomize
