me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
