mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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