My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
