walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
