Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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