i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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