I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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