I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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