i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
