My liver just broke up with me...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
