First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
