Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize