called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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