your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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