Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
