And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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