He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
