I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
