I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
