Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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