I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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