Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
