i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
