We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
