Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
