He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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