??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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