After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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