is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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