K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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