cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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