Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
