what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bring me that man meat
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
