yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
