Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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