You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
