so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
