I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
