tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize