this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
