I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
