My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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