My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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