Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
