seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
