Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hippo gnu deer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
